Should Devil Worshippers Homeschool Their Children?

Homeschooling is an increasingly controversial subject, with many for and many against the concept.

Some segments of society are more naturally inclined to homeschooling, including hippies, artistic recluses, magicians and wizards. Devil worshippers, including Satanists, are another minority group that sometimes considers homeschooling a more productive, less judgmental method for educating their children.

This makes complete sense, as devil worshippers, like vegans, prostitutes, witches and gays, are often excluded — or at least marginalized — from wider society.

This is obviously a sad state of affairs and reflects badly on wider societal acceptance, but it nonetheless exists.

The Pros and Cons of Homeschooling for Devil Worshipping Children

To help devil-worshipping parents decide whether to homeschool their children, here are a few pros and cons of educating young Satanists either at home or within the mainstream education system.

Pros:

• Educational Freedom: Homeschooling allows you to focus on what really matters in your child’s education, namely the learning of satanic rites, the various techniques of devil worship, and arts and crafts. Arts and crafts are taught in schools, but satanic rites and devil worship are not.

• Parental Freedom: When you homeschool your child, you can forget all about school hours, buses, homework, teacher-parent meetings and all that nasty stuff. Instead, you’ll have more time for family meals, family bonding and performing the black mass together with your loved-ones.

• No Peer Pressure or Bullying: Sadly, schools are notorious for bullying and negative peer pressure. When homeschooled, devil-worshipping children need not fear bullies, while their parents can rest assured that their children are safe and sound at home.

• Individual Education: By homeschooling your children, you ensure they will receive a high level of individual attention during the course of their studies. In school, your child will be just another faceless number in a sea of other young lives. Imagine trying to learn the Invocation to Set — or a practical blood sacrifice — among 20 or 30 other children. You simply wouldn’t learn as fast as a true homeschooled apprentice.

Cons:

• It’s Hard to Make Friends: Devil worshippers already have a hard time making friends in the USA, and homeschooled Satanist children will find it extra hard. Neighborhood kids are probably banned from speaking to your children because their parents are scared of Satan, making your children even more isolated. Ideally, you should try to have at least five children, so that they can study and play among themselves.

• Your Kids Will Drive You Crazy: Having your children with you 24-hours-a-day will surely drive you batshit crazy. It’s worth learning a few hex spells so you can control your children through the dark arts, which is much easier and more effective than standard disciplining techniques.

• You Might Be Thrown in Jail: If you and your husband are teaching your five children how to worship the devil at home, you might be thrown in jail and your children put up for adoption. This should only be temporary, however, as the USA is a free country. Know your rights. And your rites.

• You Might Be Lynched: Being lynched is a bigger problem than being arrested. Your neighbors will hate you, especially for having your children at home all day, which will make your home seem more like some kind of coven or satanic temple. You should place protective wards around and within your house, and maybe purchase an AK-47 or an M16 assault rifle for home defense.

So there you have it! As you can see, it’s certainly not all bad. With the right lifestyle adjustments and a few key purchases, you should be able to homeschool all of your devil-worshipping kids at home. Good luck!