How to make your angels work for you

Are you wondering how to make your angels work for you? Well, we all have an angel — or angels — that help guide us through our lives, so we might as well make them work. And while not all of us can see the angels, there’s no doubt that they are there.

If you are in touch with your angels, you can make them work for you, helping you to be more proactive with the trials and tribulations of daily life. And that’s great, because most angels love to help! And even if they don’t want to help, angels have no rights and no unions, so they have to do what you say.

Angels and Household Tasks

Don’t let daily household tasks get you down! Do you have a lot of silverware to polish? No problem: angels love shining knobs and shafts until they positively glow! Simply ask your angel to help: “Oh angel, this silverware is too much for me! Please help!” Yes, it’s as simple as that!

Once your angel has finished polishing, ask him to clean the dishes. Then get him to take the trash out and mow the lawn. Your angel may get tired, but that’s OK. Angels can’t refuse a heartfelt request, so just keep on asking them to do stuff and they’ll keep going until they literally drop from the air!

Manual Labor Angels

Angels are not very strong. But if you’re lucky enough to have multiple angels in your life, you can get them to do group tasks such as building roads, digging ditches, chipping stone or mining. Kind of like a chain gang of black prisoners like they had back in the early 1900s, but with angels.

Make sure you have a bucket of water on hand for your thirsty angels. Dehydrated angels often suffer from wing-sag, a weakening of the wings that causes the angel to plummet to the ground where it becomes vulnerable to predators such as wild boar, cats and ants. Again, just keep on asking your angels to dig or chop or carry and they’ll keep on going until they pass out from exhaustion.

Angel Surveillance

Angels are naturally adept at spying, simply because most people cannot see them (most people have not connected with the angels, so they have no angel eye). If you need to gather information about a business rival, a spouse or a judge, just ask your angel to do it!

Angels love to make you happy, so you never need to pay them or provide them with anything other than commands and, if you have the time, love. Once commanded, your angel will happily spy for you, no matter how sinister the end result. Angels can also retrieve information from digital items such as computers and cell phones thanks to their innate connection with electricity. The U.S. Military often uses angels to spy on Muslims.

Thieving Angels

A motivated angel can easily become a master thief. If you need something stolen — maybe a friend’s new necklace, a motorized vehicle or even a baby — your angels will do as you command.

Before proceeding, however, always research your target. If, for example, you wish to steal your neighbor’s stash of weed, make sure he or she does not believe in angels. If she does, she will probably have her own angel. If your angel is found in the act of thievery by your neighbor’s angel, all hell could break loose. Angel turf wars are brutal and can last for centuries — not the kind of thing you want to deal with in your own neighborhood.

Angel Assassins

Let’s face it: there are times we would murder someone if we knew for sure we’d get away with it. That’s where angels are so darn helpful! When asked, an angel must carry out all of your commands no matter how low or degrading. Just name your target and wait for your angel assassin to do his work.

The only downside to an angel murder — for the angel, at least — is the eternal damnation that results when an angel kills another living creature. The angel will become a fallen angel, which is totally the worst thing that can ever happen to an angel.

A fallen angel can no longer accompany you, so be prepared to lose any angel that you send out on a kill mission. Apart from that, it’s a fairly no-risk scenario. Sweet!

Angel assassin

This little angel is going to chop the old man’s head off while he prays. Brutal.