Halloween is generally disappointing. Very few people are actually murdered by evil, ungodly denizens of the underworld, leaving most sane adults sitting safely at home watching lame horror films.
The Penis Costume
One investment, however, is sure to change your Halloween experience for many years to come: a state of the art, full-body cock suit with bulging balls (you can find various penis costumes at Amazon.com).
Not only will it transform you into a giant walking wanger, it will also give you sufficient arm room for unfettered beer drinking.
Of course, you don’t have to walk the streets in your new penis costume. If you are plagued by trick-or-treaters, you can sit at home in joyous anticipation of the next doorbell-ringing brat. Opening the door dressed as a giant penis is more fun than any man deserves (this is something that you can enjoy doing all year round, of course).
Customizing Your Penis Costume for Halloween
As noted above, the penis costume is great for any time of the year. For Halloween, you might want to jazz (or jizz) things up a bit. Adding masses of dirty, tangled hair to the balls is a great start. Ugly veins would also be an excellent addition.
If you want to make things more extreme, consider the following options:
- Add tattoos or piercings to your penis to enhance the unclean look.
- Use some polystyrene (or something similar) to add a jetting stream of spunk to your head. That will really scare the kids.
- Coat your penis in blood from tip to mid-shaft. That would be really, truly disgusting.
- If you’re a fudge packer, or just a twisted weirdo, you could coat the penis costume in something brown. That’s just wrong, I can’t even believe I suggested that.