Why Do Men Like Breasts?

Men like breasts: it’s a fact. Big ones, bouncy ones, real ones, little ones, fake ones, pink ones, black ones and even ones belonging to blue-skinned aliens with overly large eyes. Breasts are nice.

According to the Daily Mail, researchers at the University of Wellington found that “virtually half – 47 per cent – of men first glance at a woman’s chest.” A third of male test subjects were fixated on the waist and hips, with less than 20 percent looking at the woman’s face. The real question, however, remains. Why do men like breasts?

Remember the Good Old Days

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Powerful eyes, powerful breasts (http://www.20minutos.es, Wikimedia Commons)

To be honest, you probably don’t actually remember the good old days of happily suckling on your mother’s breast. Subliminally, however, you’d be hard-pressed to find a more blissful period of existence.

When you were a baby, you could scream, cry and vomit all day long and you’d still have breasts stuck in your face at regular intervals.

In adulthood, this kind of behavior is rarely rewarded with such delightful treats. Granted, the breasts belonged to your mother (probably), a scenario which is best forgotten.

Whatever, my point is this: a man’s subconscious longing for big, healthy breasts (or little, healthy breasts) is a powerful force, so forgive us for not looking at your face. Blame our mothers and, in turn, nature as a whole.

Breasts Look Nice

Yep, it’s a simple matter of aesthetics. We can look at the night sky and marvel at the waxing moon; we can admire the delicate weightlessness of a pink balloon; we can appreciate the gentle bobble and sway of your firm boobies as you jog past us in slow motion wearing tight gray running pants and a tiny little white Adidas t-shirt with pink trim. Oh, yes, we can. It’s not our fault. Nature’s Grand Design is full of wonders.

Chest Buttocks

A long time ago, incredibly hairy women decided to start walking on two legs rather than bounding around using all fours like a baboon. While beneficial, especially for waitresses, there was one major drawback. Previously, these hirsute females displayed their willingness for man-meat by sticking their asses in the air.

This was a good ploy for knuckle-dragging, part-time quadrupeds, but somewhat troublesome when going about your daily routine in an upright position. What to do? Easy… grow some sexy buttocks on your chest.

With these babies up front and center, the whole ass thing was not quite so important. Evolution, being awesome, left men with butts and boobs to look at (at this point in history, the female face was relegated to third position on the interestingness scale). Scientists, being a bit useless with both women and words, dubbed this cleavage/buttock mirroring process “genital echo theory.” That just sounds wrong.

Look at My Breasts, I’m Super Fertile!

Berry-gathering monkey women stuck their behinds in the air in attempt to bag a mate. It was a sign of fertility and a blatant display of readiness for a bit of baby making. For monkey men, this act also made it clear that there was indeed a woman under all that hair.

Breasts have a similar function in modern society (thankfully, the hair situation is largely under control, with the exception of rural France). Breasts let a man know that the woman is of childbearing age, a fertile ground in which to plant seed. The very sight of these pendulous pompoms sets off a chain reaction in the male chemical make-up – the visual stimulus bypasses the male brain almost entirely, triggering an override switch located in the lower decks.

In this state, the male subject is capable of staring at a single pair of breasts for over four hours without a single thought passing through his brain.

He Likes Breasts, I like Breasts, We All Like Breasts

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Models have breasts. And faces (Videmus Omnia, Wikimedia Commons)

Peer pressure could account, in part, for the male breast fixation. As men, we are supposed to like breasts. Among heterosexual males, “are you a tits or ass man?” is a standard conversation starter. “Do you like breasts?” however, is a distinct nonstarter.

The media also puts breasts on a pedestal. Well, more often on posters, TV advertisements and in a variety of adult and non-adult magazines. Breasts help to sell many products, from beer to cars to GoDaddy website hosting.

If a man openly dislikes breasts, he risks social isolation and ridicule. The fear of breasts (mastrophobia, also known as mammophobia) is a serious problem.

For Your Own Sake, Bring Me My Nipple Clamps!

Having a good breast fondle is not a selfish act. A man may derive considerable pleasure from a frolic with the fun bags while also pleasuring the owner of the aforementioned bags of fun.

Beautiful Breasts Pictures: Over 150 Best Boobs Images including Big, Small, Sexy, Bouncy, Asian, Japanese, Latina, Saggy and Massive Nude Women's Tits

Breasts are a primary erogenous zone, the touching, fondling, and kissing of which promotes naughty thoughts within even the most chaste of female subjects. If a man knows what he’s doing, he can pleasure a woman by simply caressing her bazookas.

Perhaps, therefore, we men like your breasts simply because we are incredibly considerate. We watch them bouncing up and down like two skinheads on a seesaw, and we think to ourselves, “I want to dive right in there just so I can make her feel like a princess.” Perhaps. But probably not.

  25 comments for “Why Do Men Like Breasts?

  1. zogs
    June 5, 2011 at 3:29 am

    i love breasts more than ass, i could hold unto a breast 4 hours in bed, but for sex once am done its like over… I love breast.

  2. Srikumar/Astrologer/kol-2
    August 18, 2011 at 5:39 am

    The growth of breast depends on planetary configuration of one’s birth chart.All men do not always like big or small breast,it depends on the transition of planets for the moment he wants to see or think breast.

    • August 18, 2011 at 7:03 am

      Ah, that explains it. There are at least 50 billion planets in the Milky Way alone – no wonder we love breasts so much.

  3. August 25, 2011 at 11:49 pm

    I vote for the fertility theory… a man’s biological drive to make sure his offspring are fed?

    • carlos J
      November 25, 2011 at 12:16 pm

      not really; breast size is independent from milk production

      • Arturo
        April 26, 2013 at 10:40 pm

        You will never convince me of that. I have been a dairy farmer. Size matters in production.

  4. guacomoli
    February 13, 2012 at 1:39 pm

    i love breast more tha anything i would hold onto one for ever during sex its a nice thing to get you horny and it works trust me thank god for breasts. anybody want to show me theirs im desperate to get some action ill settle for a [CENSORED] or and [CENSORED] just show me somethign babay oh ya thats it thats it keep going [CENSORED] [CENSORED] oh ya thts the stuff now let me [CENSORED] :P thats my tongue and its going on someones [CENSORED] oh ya

    • February 13, 2012 at 8:25 pm

      Hell Guacomoli, you really do like breasts. I censored your comment a little — didn’t want you to scare anyone.

    • aetyuo
      December 13, 2012 at 11:26 am

      what is in the censored parts babes xxx

  5. guacomoli
    February 13, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    now im super horny im free for sex here anybody want some i got a [CENSORED] and its huge
    its sticking out of my pnts waiting for someone to [CENSORED] it

    • February 13, 2012 at 8:26 pm

      Cold showers really do work. Or maybe go for a run.

  6. raynigga
    March 22, 2012 at 2:15 am

    Braests are good especially when you’re pressing them men ohhhh. Ecstacy deliberately comes

  7. victorjohn-Godson
    May 5, 2012 at 10:49 am

    i love a woman’s breast bcos wen u suck powers comes into u invisibly only wen u realise d effect of ur actions………..

    • May 5, 2012 at 2:31 pm

      Dude, that only happens to me when I suck on a bong.

      • Katie
        October 30, 2012 at 7:22 am

        Amen

  8. July 8, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    I have read and heard that men liking breasts is a security issue. It makes them feel more secure. I guess like a baby would be with his mother. So they are saying that men are insecure babies. It doesn’t really make all that much sense, but that is what I read.

  9. June
    August 5, 2012 at 7:58 pm

    Okay, Studio Writer. Now that we know why GUYS like boobs, try to explain why some chicks, like myself,like boobs.

    • December 18, 2012 at 3:55 pm

      Are you asking that as a straight woman, bisexual or lesbian?

  10. Carl Pham
    September 13, 2012 at 5:43 pm

    There’s another theory about this, which takes its cue from antlers. Why do male reindeer grow big antlers, which are a pain to carry around? Well, obviously, because female reindeer just love a big rack on a fella. So why do the females like them? Er…signs of fertility? Et cetera. The same laundry list of dissatisfactory arguments.

    But another viewpoint entirely centers around the probability that the *same* genes that code for big tits in a woman code for a preference for big tits in a man. What does this do? It allows a group of genes to be extremely successful at propagating themselves, because they can make sure that individuals breed in just the right way to reinforce those genes and pass them on.

    It’s as if blonds only preferred blonds. Naturally, even in a sea of brunettes this would lead to the blond genes not being diluted, to being able to find each other and keep the pure blond strain going.

    So from this point of view big tits in a woman are just a signalling device, by which the BigBoobies gene in the female advertises itself to any BigBobbies genes in nearby males, so they can get together and propagate.

  11. Piglet
    November 10, 2012 at 3:29 am

    I think it’s partly because the brain gets teased with the equation 2 = 1.

  12. December 1, 2012 at 6:23 am

    i love breasts too,okay they attract mens mind than asses.

  13. LUCIFER
    January 19, 2013 at 4:00 am

    yeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaah

  14. birdsteph
    February 8, 2013 at 3:20 am

    breasts are good

  15. kat
    November 15, 2013 at 11:33 am

    How does this relate to male babies that are not breastfed? do they årefer asses because of such babyhood? your article seems to almost suggest that men never really seem to grow out of that boob fixation they have as babie, almost as if they are big babies. Ihope men have better self control than that /Kat

  16. elocin
    December 29, 2013 at 2:25 pm

    I’m a lesbian and I like breasts. I don’t think it has anything to do with fertility, they just look and feel amazing. I know a lot of straight women and gay men who like the look of breasts so I think the correct theory is they’re just aesthetically pleasing.

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