25 Reasons Why Food is Better than Sex

Everyone likes a good dollop of hot, juicy food. Most people also like to have sex, apart from nuns and other strange religious types. But have you ever considered which you actually prefer? Is it possible that food is indeed better than sex? Of course it is, and here are 25 reasons why…

sexy bacon

Bacon. It’s a strong argument…. (photo © cookbookman17, flickr.com)

Food is Better than Sex Because:

1.    You can’t get food pregnant, no matter how hard you try.

2.    You don’t have to tell food how much you love it after eating it.

3.    People don’t think any less of you when you pay for food.

4.    When food gets old, you can throw it away without the need for expensive lawyers.

5.    You can eat food while watching TV and no one will give you a hard time.

6.    Supermarkets are much cleaner than brothels.

7.    Food tastes nice. When people say “Oh baby, that tastes so good” during sex, it’s a lie.

8.    Experimenting with food very rarely leads to years of psychological trauma.

9.    It is highly unlikely that you will reach for a sweet cherry muffin, only to find an unexpected coq eu vin.

10.    If you fart while eating, people will either laugh or frown – it won’t ruin the entire meal.

11.    Food poisoning is better than AIDS.

12.    Food tourism is a great topic for professional travel writers. Sex tourism is not (the guidebook will sell quite well, but it’ll ruin your reputation).

13.    If you accidently call a lasagna a moussaka, it won’t slap you in the face and run off crying.

14.    A table for three is much easier to arrange than a threesome.

15.    There is no chance of being distantly related to food.

16.    Performance is not an issue unless you are eating at a particularly fine restaurant.

17.    If the bag breaks, you don’t have to panic.

18.    You won’t be labeled a slut for eating at MacDonald’s one day and KFC the next (well, you might…).

19.    You can eat Chinese food, Indian food, Italian food, Muslim Food, Pakistani food and all the other foods of the world without being beaten to death for crossing cultural barriers.

20.    Premarital eating is never a problem, so there’s no risk of spending eternity in hell.

21.    You only need to press one button to warm up cold food.

22.    When you take home pizza after a heavy drinking session, it still looks good in the morning (and you’ll probably remember what it’s called).

23.    You don’t normally have to lie about how often you eat.

24.    Food can give you a heart attack, but it won’t break your heart.

25.    You won’t be ridiculed for being a virgin if you’ve never eaten. You’ll just be dead.

Is Food Better Than Sex?

Which way do you swing – food or sex? Perhaps you have sex with food, or food with sex. Maybe you are a sitophiliac. Either way, feel free to add your opinion in the comments section below.

  7 comments for “25 Reasons Why Food is Better than Sex

  1. Halo Sue
    December 5, 2011 at 9:16 am

    um that guy in the last picture has a very flabby but cheek… 😀

    • zoe
      March 21, 2013 at 8:30 pm

      ahahah that was perfect

  2. December 5, 2011 at 9:24 am

    That guy is actually a girl. But you’re right, there’s quite a lot of spillage happening there…

  3. Adams mejawo isiaka
    April 18, 2012 at 8:26 am

    What i see there is that the guy in qustion is not a guy but something else.GUDBey

  4. Rodrigo
    January 5, 2013 at 6:04 pm

    Actually, one can get food pregnant. It’s called pollination. All it takes is a swish of my pinkie finger. Bite me.

    • March 1, 2013 at 12:02 pm

      What foods have you tried to pollinate, Rodrigo?

  5. whatevergirl
    April 17, 2013 at 8:54 pm

    This was not funny. Food is better than guys! And so are females!

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