Food is better than sex
Bacon… A strong argument why food is better than sex. Photo by cookbookman17,

Everyone likes a good dollop of hot, juicy food. Most people also like to have sex, apart from nuns and other strange religious types. But have you ever considered which you actually prefer? Is it actually possible that food is better than sex?

Of course it is, and here are 25 reasons why…

Food is Better than Sex Because:

1.    You can’t get food pregnant, no matter how hard you try.

2.    You don’t have to tell food how much you love it after eating it.

3.    People don’t think any less of you when you pay for food.

4.    When food gets old or boring, you can throw it away without the need for expensive lawyers.

5.    You can eat food while watching TV and no one will give you a hard time.

6.    Supermarkets are much cleaner than brothels.

7.    Food tastes nice. When people say “Oh baby, that tastes so good” during sex, it’s a lie.

8.    Experimenting with food very rarely leads to years of psychological trauma.

9.    It is highly unlikely that you will reach for a sweet cherry muffin, only to find an unexpected coq eu vin.

10.    If you fart while eating, people will either laugh or frown – it won’t ruin the entire meal.

11.    Food poisoning is better than AIDS.

12.    Food tourism is a great topic for professional travel writers. Sex tourism is not (the guidebook will sell quite well, but your reputation will be in ruins).

13.    If you accidentally call a lasagna a moussaka, it won’t slap you in the face and run off crying.

14.    A table for three is much easier to arrange than a threesome.

15.    There is no chance of being distantly related to food.

16.    Performance is not an issue unless you are eating at a particularly fine restaurant.

17.    If the bag breaks, you don’t have to panic.

18.    You won’t be labeled a slut for eating at MacDonald’s one day and KFC the next (well, you might…).

19.    You can eat Chinese food, Indian food, Italian food, Muslim Food, Pakistani food and all the other foods of the world without being beaten to death for crossing cultural barriers.

20.    Premarital eating is never a problem, so there’s no risk of spending eternity in hell.

21.    You only need to press one button to warm up cold food.

22.    When you take home pizza after a heavy drinking session, it still looks good in the morning (and you’ll probably remember what it’s called).

23.    You don’t normally have to lie about how often you eat.

24.    Food can give you a heart attack, but it won’t break your heart.

25.    You won’t be ridiculed for being a virgin if you’ve never eaten. You’ll just be dead.

Is Food Better Than Sex?

So which way do you swing – food or sex? Perhaps you have sex with food, or food with sex. Maybe you are a sitophiliac. Either way, feel free to add your opinion in the comments section below.