Why Can’t Men Wrap Gifts?

men-wrapping-gifts

Beautiful Gift Wrap Pointlessness (ninofam920, photobucket)

OK, it’s time for women to learn the truth about why men are so damn bad at wrapping gifts for Christmas, birthdays or any other celebratory event.

Firstly, we know it’s a basic skill. We know it doesn’t take years to master.

So, why does wrapping a solid square object in shiny paper cause men so many problems? Well, it doesn’t. We just don’t see the point.

Why Men Can’t Wrap Gifts

Men are practical. Why should we care about wrapping a gift neatly when it will just get ripped open anyway? Oh, maybe you’re one of those delicate gift openers, the type of person that saves the paper for next year. Frankly, that’s not something we respect. As for ribbons and little dangly cards, forget about it.

Each year, men across the planet shrug their shoulders and smile when women mock their attempts at wrapping gifts. We don’t care, seriously. We’ve already been through the hell of Christmas shopping, just open the damn thing and let’s have lunch. You’re lucky we didn’t leave it in the bag it came in.

Wrapping Gifts and Other Things That Men Find Pointless

Wrapping Christmas gifts is just one in a long line of things that men find pointless. Let me explain with a few related examples, and maybe you will understand:

  • Salads – “Here you go dear; I’ve made a salad to go with your steak. Nice to have a bit of greenery, don’t you think?” Oh yes, darling, how wonderful it is to have greenery! I’ve been looking forward to this steak all day, and now it’s twice as great because I can indulge in my other passion, lettuce! Seriously, don’t bother.
  • Weddings – OK, marriage is a traditional thing, but why all the fanfare? Vast sums of money will be plowed into this ridiculous event to fulfill your childhood dream of walking down an isle in a dress that you will only wear once (maybe twice). Yes, we do it all for you. That certainly doesn’t change our basic belief that wedding ceremonies are a pointless, gratuitous waste of money.
  • Saying I love you every five minutes – Not necessary. Even once a day is excessive. Why devalue the damned word? I love you, accept it for Christ’s sake and just tell me a joke every five minutes instead.
  • Getting all dressed up to go to the cinema – Why would anyone do that? Most men don’t want to go to the cinema with their girlfriend or wife anyway. No, it’s not just because we don’t want to watch another stupid Julia Roberts film. Here’s the problem: we are always destined to arrive late and miss the start of the movie because women have to get all dressed up, do their makeup and wash their hair before going to sit in a completely dark room for two hours. Where’s the logic?

So Now You Know Why Men Are Bad at Wrapping Gifts

Salads, weddings, saying I love you every five minutes and dressing up to go to the cinema: none of these things are difficult, but neither are they necessary. They are, in fact, completely pointless. Just like spending ages wrapping up Christmas gifts, or any other kind of gift for that matter.

There really is no point wondering why men can’t wrap gifts all nice and tidy for Christmas. They can, just as they can fix cars, build houses and walk on the moon. We are not talking about skills here: we are talking about simple, barefaced pointlessness and a general male aversion to wasting time.

bad-gift-wrapping-disaster

That’s more like it; don’t waste time with tape and ribbons (dlw1295vhic, photobucket)

  2 comments for “Why Can’t Men Wrap Gifts?

  1. Halo Sue
    December 5, 2011 at 9:05 am

    Halo Sue on December 5, 2011 at 9:04 am

    lololol i agree with you about almost all of that except for the fact that all men dont care about wrapping presents neatly. my grandpa doesnt like when other people wrap presents because they arent neat so he does them himself… then again he has to cut the cake himself to that way we do it in a straight line… but what ever 🙂 🙂 please comment on this one if you reply!!!!

    • December 5, 2011 at 9:21 am

      Hi Halo Sue. There are certainly some exceptions. Male perfectionists, pedants, interior designers and hairdressers are generally very good wrappers. What is your grandfather’s profession?

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