Choosing a baby name is a pain in the rear, especially when you want to give your son a strong baby name but your wife wants some kind of sissy, fluffy little forename like Neil or Paul. Balls to that.
There are thousands of insipid baby name websites out there, some of which include lists of supposedly “strong baby names” and “tough baby names” for boys. They’re all crap, so seriously, don’t even bother.
Take a look at one of the top ranking sites for the search term “tough baby names”: the imaginatively-named Top 100 Baby Names Search. It’s a good site, I guess, but the “tough names” are awful. Artie? Lester? Shep? Seriously? Even the name Tray is listed because it means “third in order.” How the hell is being third supposed to be tough? Ridiculous.
A List of Strong Baby Names for Boys
I’m not going to make a sprawling list of tough baby names, but I will share with you my own shortlist just to give you some ideas. I don’t have a son, mainly because I don’t like children, but if I do end up having one then these are the names I’m going to choose from:
- AK – The most popular assault rifle ever produced, the AK-47 (Kalashnikov Automatic Rifle, 1947 Model) is a real man’s weapon. If you name your son after this weapon, you should pronounce it as A.K., because “Ak” sounds a bit stupid. You could always christen your son Ass Kicker or something like that, then call him by his initials for double the toughness.
- Bastard – Sometimes simplicity is the best way to go. If your kid is Latino, or if you want him to sound like a Latino, then stick an “o” on the end. Bastardo has a kind of exotic edginess.
- Frukkayew – Whenever someone asks your son what his name is, it will sound like he’s drunkenly slurring “F*ck you.”
- Gunboat – Gunboat is a tough and manly baby name, there’s no doubt about that.
- Pierrepoint – Albert Pierrepoint was the U.K.’s most prolific hangman (and a personal hero of mine), having hung at least 450 people during his illustrious career. He planned on making criminal waste management his profession ever since the age of 11, intent on following in the footsteps of his father, Henry Albert Pierrepoint (105 hangings), and his uncle, Thomas Pierrepoint (294 hangings approx). What a cool kid. What a cool name.
- Crusher – Quite an obvious one, but Crusher is the dog’s danglers when it comes to tough baby names. I also like Hammer, Smasher, Dagger and Cutter. My uncle had a dog called Crusher, a real mean son of a gun. He once tore the head off a cow. If I ever have a kid, I want him to be as tough as that damn dog.
- Supay – Supay was the Inca god of death, ruler of the underworld and leader of a race of demons. The Incas were a powerful tribe who ruled over most of Africa about 2,000 years ago (could have been Mexico, don’t remember). Supay had his own race of demons to rule over, which is super intense.
Tough Baby Name Generator
As I said, that’s my shortlist above, just in case I accidentally have a baby one day. If you like one of the names then go ahead and use it, I’d be honored.
If you need more ideas, here are a couple of online name generators that might help you find a tough name for your baby boy.
The first is The Manly Man Name Generator. I was pretty excited when I came across this, but I have to admit the names it gave me were a bit disappointing:
- Hunk ThunderGun
- Gaston Blowstud
- Buck BulletSteak
- Whip Plankmeat
Whip is a pretty sweet name, but otherwise they all sound like dirty porno names. Gaston Blowstud?? I want my son to be tough; I don’t want him hanging around in moonlit parks looking for plankmeat. To be honest, I only generated a few names. If your wife is giving you hassle about thinking of a name for your son then you’ll probably devote a bit more time to it than I did.
The next strong baby name generator is the Seventh Sanctum Evil Name Generator. I guess geeky types use this to make names for book characters and stuff, but it pretty much rocks for generating strong-sounding baby names. You can even choose categories that fit your kid’s personality (or the personality that you want it to have).
I selected “Bestial/Animalistic”, “Disgusting/Putrid” and “Horrific/Unspeakable” as a test, and I was impressed with the results:
- Fangpuke the Grotesque
OK, so the last one is a bit of a mouthful, but you can see how these would make tough names for your baby boy. There are loads more options to play with, so you’re sure to find some good names to consider for your newly born bundle of puke and joy.
Got Any Great Ideas for Strong Baby Names for Boys?
Some people have a real gift for making up manly names for kids. If you have any good ideas, feel free to add them in the comments section below. Together we can make a list of real tough baby names, not like the fluffy nonsense the other sites have. If your ideas are rubbish, I’ll let you know. Thanks.