Poor people can be found everywhere, despite the best efforts of high society. There may be times when you are confronted by a poor person and it engages you in conversation.
The more adventurous among you may even wish to learn more about the poor by deliberately walking in the midst of them, not unlike Henry V’s nighttime stroll through his ranks of common soldiers and plebian Welsh longbowmen. Here are some important things to remember when talking to the poor.
Speak Slowly and Clearly
Speak slowly and clearly. Avoid all long words and expressions that may be unique to your own social circle. You may be able to form a greater bond with the poor by using some of their own lingo or by speaking in a guttural, uncouth manner.
Find Some Common Ground with the Poor
This may seem like an impossible task but, believe it or not, you may share some common ground with poor people. They are, after all, human just like us! Talk about simple things such as the weather, popular music and dogs (avoid show breeds and foxhounds). If you are familiar with any pop culture celebrities then you might want to throw some names into the mix. Do not mention any highbrow or classic artistes such as Bach, Damien Hurst or Marcel Proust. Poor people will simply not understand.
Don’t Talk About Money with Poor People
While you are probably earning at least $300,000 annually, most poor people are earning only a fraction of this sum. Some, incredibly, do not even work at all and have no savings whatsoever. It is therefore unwise to talk about money as the poor person may feel uncomfortable or embarrassed by both its failure to earn and overall social worthlessness.
Don’t Stand Downwind
An unfortunate side effect of poorness is a low level of personal hygiene. A poor person’s diet consists of fast food and cheap whisky at the higher end of the scale. The poorest poor people eat almost anything they can find, including items found in other people’s trash (apple cores, truffle pips, champagne corks etcetera). This diet leads to bodily problems such as gas and rancid, stale breath. Poor people often wash themselves in rivers which the poor people themselves have polluted, an unfortunate vicious cycle that leads to whiffy lower-classes and stinky city rivers. Desperately unfortunate, it really is, but thankfully confined largely to the city and not to our beautiful countryside.
Watch Your Possessions
Most poor people are thieves. Indeed, many financially secure people were once poor but they became stable through thievery. With this in mind, it is imperative that you keep an eye on your possessions while talking to the poor. Try not to look overly concerned as this may unsettle the poor person (in the worst case scenario it could provoke an attack). You may wish to have your chauffeur standing nearby in case of problems.
Never touch a poor person, neither out of curiosity nor through the affectionate advances of the poor subject itself. If the poor person does try to shake hands with you or, God forbid, embrace you, step away quickly. It will be difficult to do this in a respectful manner but you really have few options in this instance. Always remember that your personal safety is paramount when dealing with the poor.
- By following all of the above rules you should hopefully enjoy a rewarding, if not entirely pleasant, experience. The whole engagement should prove memorable both for you and, even more so, for the poor person involved.