How to Invent New Martial Arts Styles

new-martial-arts-stylesDays in Okinawa are long, so me I go to New Jersey, teach martial art to vigilantes. “Sensei Hiroji,” they say, “I want to be unique, like superhero, I want my own style.”

Empty fist, slow fist, tickling palm, I say, many and numerous are the ways to break an enemy.

We teach surprise as victory, victory as surprise. But how to obtain a sharp attack when all that could be done has been done already? Maybe it is time for invention, yes? Maybe it is time for the student to become the master of invention.

Here I show how we take example from environment and turn into new martial art style. Listen close up!

First, Study Your Surroundings

Look, a falling leaf. It has no power yet it glides and falls to the ground without harm or damage. You must be the falling leaf. You must watch your surroundings and become the thing that you fear. Truth lies in the grasp of becoming. So, student, it is your time to become an original thing, a fighting style to which your enemies will have no answer, no fast block. Follow my letters of example and imagine what you could be, a unique fighter. Cha!

Camel Fighting Style

The camel endures. Heat, suffering and shame. Look at him and feel his rage, deeper than the sands upon which he treads. Imagine his aim and become. Imagine being the fighting desert camel:

  • Hoof block: flat palm and heavy.
  • Spit face: distract and disarm with range attack.
  • Double hump (special move): left shoulder, right shoulder close attack. Fatal! Yes, you have become the camel. Cha!

Glockenspiel Fighting Style

You are small musical instrument, gentle ding, big dong hiding. Become fakery, become that which offers little but hides much. Glockenspiel is perfect, flat body unified and little donger for striking. Wahsha! Sha!

  • Twelve teeth percussion: left elbow, right elbow, knee, head butt, punch – take twelve teeth in percussive attack and make your enemy remember you with big dentistry bill. Haha!
  • Big dong grab: grab enemy face, bend down, engage with big donger. Chaaa!
  • Three octave smash (special move): Scream in three octaves then head butt, knee up to enemy chin, 360 swinging elbow to throat for finish. Deadly! Hajukaa!

Squirrel Fighting Style

squirrel-fighting-style-martial-arts-inventionsNimble, quick and smart. Squirrel is the athlete, primed and at one with wood and branch. You are becoming squirrel, sharp and agile and cunning. More so, you plan, you bury your nuts in the deepest hole, secure for winter when supplies are far and wide.

Squirrel is ready for seasons, not only months. This is the spirit of the animal. Become, yes, become….

  • Tale swipe: two legs swung together, wide arc, topple enemy.
  • Nut claw: engage testicles and tear, instill fear and dread.
  • Flying squirrel (special move): jump from height, limbs spread, envelope opponent and shred face and chest and stomach and nuts. Cha! Cha!

Pretty Transvestite Style

Pretty transvestites offer surprise. Many a time have I been caught off-guard by pretty New Jersey transvestite. So, what is here to learn? Surprise attack unleashed at last moment, perhaps too late to resist. You are close to opponent, thigh strokes draw you near, opponent is off guard, pretty transvestite is turning tricks into big business. She will become, achaha! You are pretty transvestite, you must prepare for night attacks with cheap painted face, clothing of women; you will be the very killer that you seek to be.

transvestite-fighting-styles-new-martial-art

Transvestite Fighting Apparel (Alice24601, photobucket)

  • Fake kiss: this is lure for enemy male, throat of opponent exposed for chop or rip larynx from within.
  • Upskirt query: enemy suspects, begins a cautionary upskirt venture. Enemy has one arm out of the fight. Shut legs tight like vice then strike, strike, strike! Your two arms pummel trapped enemy. Cha!
  • Man-whore lady (special move): you have found your style, man-whore lady, you are surprise, close contact fighter – motion enemy to drop to knees to pleasure, suddenly poke in eye for blinding, break neck and all is done in instant. Waku-hai!

New Martial Arts Styles With Sensei Hiroji

You see? You understand? I, Sensei Hiroji, have opened your eyes, no? Nature is a gift, the smallest things are the blood of martial arts. Take ancient techniques and develop and you too can be a MASTER! Cha! Chajukai waku-hai!

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